Friday, 25 October 2013

Acceptance and respect as a key to happiness in relationship?

At first, let me consider the issue of respect from a psychological perspective… So… a nearly centrury ago an American psychologist, Abraham Harold Maslow created a theory called by his name ”Maslow’s hierarchy of needs”. The hierarchy is well known being portrayed in the shape of a pyramid  with the largest, most fundamental levels of needs at the bottom and the need for self-actualization at the top. It clearly shows that all human beings possess a need to feel respected. This includes their need to have self-esteem and self-respect.This indicates how the need of respect is important in order to fulfill the people's overall emotional evaluation of their own worth as self-esteem presents the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others.

However, it’s often hard to express respect by actions and thousand times harder to do it by words. But as far as we know how important it is to show respect in our relationship, we should learn how to do it. According to famous relationship mentor Sarah Elizabeth Malinak, respect is a way to men’s heart! She claims that respect is a kind of the language of love that men are able to hear, feel and respond, which has been scientifically proven. Her article on this subject reflects to how a woman communicates respect to her man and shows 5 ways how to express the respect to men every single day. At the same time she convinces us that thanks those methods of expressing respect, we’ll notice that our men’s expressed love for us will grow. Do you want to get to know the secret to relationship success? I suppose that the answer is YES! OF COURSE WE DO! That’s why I’ll quote her for you. Don’t be discouraged that it’s so long, it’s really worth reading! Enjoy!

”One way to show him respect is to monitor how often you ask him to change in order to
please you and then cut that number in half if not all together. Many women, once they
catch a man’s romantic attention, get busy trying to change him. Once he is yours his
“deficiencies” come to the surface. Perhaps he needs a better wardrobe, better manners,
to spend either more or less time with the children, to help with the housework but to do
it your way, to show more interest in your family, friends, or coworkers, etc. Women do
not ask their girlfriends to change things about their personalities, behavior, or dress in
order to remain in relationship. Why do we do it with our men? Somehow we women perceive our men to be extensions of ourselves. We do this with
our children too. We don’t do it with authority figures or girlfriends. A simple rule here
is if you catch yourself speaking to your husband (or children) with words or a tone you
would never use with your best girlfriend, take it back and start over with greater respect. A second and fun way to show your husband respect is to appreciate his sense of humor!
In these recession news filled days, it is easy to be preoccupied with worry and stress. It
is also easy to take that worry and stress out on those we love the most. However, the
worry and stress will not make the recession go away. When he is being funny, be
present with him and laugh. If you can do it in a sincere way, laugh loud and hard.
Enjoy his sense of humor, break up the tension, and communicate your appreciation and
respect of him with the healing art of laughter! An excellent way to show him respect is to stop gossiping about him! There is a
difference between processing your marriage issues with one or two close girlfriends who
hold you accountable for what you create in the marriage and bashing your man to
everyone who will listen. Bashing him to friends within his hearing as if you are being
cute and funny and it is all right with him doesn’t cut it either! Even if he tolerates it, that
is called emasculation and is the exact opposite of respect. Whether or not you treat your man with respect, your husband is the person you promised
to love and honor the most of anyone in your life. Hold to that promise; respect his
privacy and his dignity when you speak of him. The fourth way to show your man respect is to show respect for his extended family.
Depending on your relationship with them, this may be challenging. Perhaps his mother
is interfering. Maybe his sister disrespects you and pops off condescending barbs whenever you have to be with her. It may be that at family gatherings, you look around
at all of them and wonder how he turned out to be someone you could love! He did turn
out to be someone you could love. His parents, the ones who drive you crazy, gave him
life. They and his siblings contributed more than anyone else in his life to making him
the man he is today. Without them, you would not have him. Show him respect by
respecting them. He will appreciate you for it – maybe even owe you for it! The fifth way to show your husband respect is to simply say it. “Honey, I respect you
for...” It is better to actually have a specific thing you respect him for, for a couple of
reasons. For one thing, he might ask why you respect him. In addition, when you make a
habit of respecting him for specific things, then those things add up; which means your
opportunities to express respect add up! Telling him, “I respect you because…” is actually the most difficult way to show respect.
The reason why is because it can feel as if when you tell him why you respect him, will
he think you did not respect him previously? You know how when a friend or
acquaintance loses weight, you don’t know whether or not to say something? Because, if
you say something you might reveal that you previously thought she was fat? Or if
someone you know gets a fantastic new hair cut, if you express too much enthusiasm,
you fear she will think you didn’t like her previous hair do? Well, this is that
phenomenon! The thing to remember is that when you have lost weight, you love to hear other people
observe it! When you have a new hair do that makes you feel young and sexy, you like
getting confirmation that other people experience you that way! Well, when your man
does something or has a way of being that makes you proud, he loves hearing about it!
He wants to know you are proud of him, that you appreciate him, and respect him.
Verbalized respect touches his heart in a way nothing else does. If you get busy showing your man greater and genuine respect, you will be rewarded.
How you will be rewarded will depend on him and your history together. If you have
been emasculating, it may take some work for you to get in touch with your genuine
respect as well as in the habit of expressing it. And it may take him some time to believe
you. If you have always respected him but just did not know how important it was to
express it, you will probably reap instantaneous rewards!”

So... we have no other choice than put in into practice! Good luck! And to be completely serious, it's really hard to express our respect to beloved person even knowing all the recipes for that as for example those above. Anyway, it's worth to try better late than never... 

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